I actually typed a post last night, I wanted to publish today.
Too bad, today, there's a fresher topic, lol.
For people who know me, everyone knows that I'm always running away from the spotlight.
Yes, but I know, the more attention I get, the better for me as a blogger,/a social media influencer.
To me, honestly, attention? It really doesn't matter.
Ok, it doesn't matter that much, it's not important.
The further the spotlight is, the better.
All these years, Jane has been telling me that I've got to do it, she really is a huge support in my life.
So to speak, Jane is the anchor in our group, I'm more than happy to give it to her.
It doesn't mean that if the spotlight is on me, I push it away.
I take opportunities sometimes too but I really just DO NOT FORCE IT at all.
Just like singing, I'm happy with just doing instavideos because I feel comfortable with it.
I don't force it on youtube, like frequently updating it, I don't.
It's not that I'm BIGGGG AND FAMOUS, it's not that I'm arrogant.
It's just who I am, I don't feel comfortable or confident enough to do it.
I don't even know how to explain.
It's very very very contradicting, I know but really...
Try to understand what I'm trying to say.
Ok how do we start?
I was in Batu Pahat.
I got up at 6:30 in the morning.
Had breafast, it was 8:30am, I drove all the way back from Batu Pahat for this interview.
A New Straits Times interview about being on instagram, so on and so on.
If you guys know me at all, you can count the photoshoots I did. Not many.
Interviews. I think I've only accepted two interviews so far.
I don't do all this because I don't think I'm big enough.
Yes, recently I've been getting lotsa support and encouragement.
Friends, readers, followers are confidence booster.
I started doing photoshoot and interview.
The most recent photoshoot I did was for a friend's online magazine.
The first interview is this one here, New Straits Times.
Totally disappointed, unprofessional, I'd say.
Let's see what were the questions.
What’s your take on Instagram?
Why do you think people like to share photos more now?
I said
Attention. The world is so realistic, so “cold”.
I think people are constantly looking for love (likes) in different ways.
I don’t know. No comment but I just made one, lol.
This is how I answered, I was just being who I am.
As awkward as ever.
I was featured alongside Daiyan Trisha and Joyce.
I met Daiyan Trisha for the first time that day.
We had a great talk and my awkwardness actually made people laugh.
What would she think about me if she read that interview of mine.
Totally a different me, that day at the shoot and the "me" in the papers.
In real life, I'm just quiet and awkward.
In papers, I'm like an arrogant brat.
Joyce wasn't there at the photoshoot but what if she read my answers.
She would think that "what's wrong with this girl?"
是燒壞腦嗎?
I think they would be embarrassed for being featured on the same page with me.
I'm 23, somehow I feel like I speak for the youngsters.
Since I'm on this "INSTA-CHARM" thing.
What if the older generations were trying to understand what are the younger generations are doing.
They would think that youngers(me) nowadays are so dumb, so obnoxious, so arrogant,
so oblivious, so ignorant, so shallow.
They would think that girls nowadays 是燒壞腦
TAO NAO PAI KI (hokkien: rotten brain)
All my life, I wish I was someone professional, someone who has a skill.
Just to avoid being viewed as a dumb girl who has nothing inside.
All my life, I work so hard to prove that I'm capable and independent.
Now, I'm a bimbo. Heh.
Attention. That's why I love Instagram so much.
So much some more.
I really don't know if I should laugh or cry now.
I'm feeling so frustrated now, I don't even know how to put this in words properly.
My mind is super messy now.
You know, I'm not mad because it's already printed, what to do?
I'm not anyone BIG and I shouldn't make a big fuss about it.
STILL, what is this?
It really was a very simple interview.
It's not that I'm lansi(arrogant), don't want to be interviewed or what.
I did it, man, I did it.
This is the shit you give me?
So so so many errors on that paper.
I'm so disappointed and frustrated.
I don't even know what to do with it.