Breakup . Aftermath

I guess I really want to share my personal stuff.

I don't want to hide anymore, I'm good at this, I have to be true to myself.

I'm no extraordinary writer but I'm my own writer.
This is a moving-on post, I have to move on.

1 year and 8 months relationship.

1 year of being together, 8 months of being apart.

We didn't survive our long distance relationship.

We broke it off 2 months ago.

He found someone new, I'm stuck with moving on.

I've been pretty angry and expressive lately.

Just so you know, I wasn't talking about him.

I was talking about an asshole and another asshole who trashed my friend's heart, twice.

My friends find me funny and naive that I always want to marry the person I date and I'm 22.

I don't find it funny, there are only 2 outcomes from a relationship.

I know marriage is just a paper or a knot.

I have no idea, I like the idea of it being committed to someone as life partners.

My parents do not have a happy marriage.

I wonder why I still like the idea of getting married.

I think that I do not want to repeat the same mistake, I want a happy family.

We broke up for 2 months and we never talked at all.

I found out that he is dating again 2-3 weeks ago.

I don't even have to ask or stalk, people tell me stuff, it's on Facebook too.

I was so sad, I know, I know thunder was going to strike one day but dang it, it's painful.

Please I bet some of you are the same.

Yeh, I lied, I stalked him.

I was 21, he was 29.

I love it, I love the fact that he is 8 years older than me.

We started off really nicely, I never thought we would fight because he's really nice.

He has no temper at all, I don't know how he does it, I love him for that.

We started off really nicely but wrongly.

He wasn't completely honest with me.

I do not live in the present, I look forward to my future.

The only thing I want him to put ahead of me was his career.

That's it, then, there's family, I'm one of them.

I tried to fix things MY WAY, I tried so hard, I pushed him so hard.

I couldn't control my temper when he didn't get things done nicely.

I pushed him so hard, I wanted a future for us.

 I gave him really tough love, he wanted more encouragements, I didn't give him.

This is how I was brought up, tough, forever criticism, never encouragement.

We fought, I cried, I yelled, he was pressured.

He was never happy...
He was never happy with me.

All he can remember about me now is my bad temper, not my smile when I see his face.

I think so much, I do self-reflection so much.
I want to do better, I don't want to disappoint anybody including myself.
He always told me that I have bad temper.
I reflected on this, I haven't been angry, never angry at my friends or any other people.
I was only angry at him, I don't know why.
I guess he could really hurt me and I felt angry, I exploded.
Friends are different, they don't hurt me, even if they do, it's nothing like this.
I can never imagine myself arguing with my friends, never.
I don't understand why I could cry and yell at him.
I wanted his attention so much, #don't be an attention seeker.
I cared too much, I wanted him to understand but he couldn't.
But sometimes, I would just sit down, not talk because I wanted to calm down and control my temper.
Sometimes I just lost it, lost it all.
How? Why? I reflected on this, I'll learn to control my temper, my emotion.
I have to, I want to be a better partner.
I. want. to. move. on. and. I. will.



If I could turn back time, I would do the same all over again but I would do it with more patience.
I would learn to control my temper and not care too much.
I cared so much, I loved him, I lost it, I lost my temper, I lost him, I lost myself.

#Never lose yourself in a relationship.